What Our Heroine Isn't Getting You For Christmas
15 December 2004
A laser-etched glass cube with duck or deer
A safety orange T-shirt in men's XXXL
Any stuffed animal that excretes any food item from its hindquarters
Any stuffed animal that excretes anything else from its hindquarters
The extended edition of "Return of the King" (because why should I expect you to be more patient than I am?)
A table-top golf set
The same thing I got you last year (although I may have gotten you one or more things in the same category, such as "book" or "kitchen implement" or "garment") (This was actually an onerous list item, as I got Scott a cool clock already and saw an even cooler one, but until he announces he's collecting clocks, I'm not starting the collection for him.)
Unreasonably baggy pants with large snowmen all over them
Anything else with the ever-popular snowman-dappled thighs
A creamer in the shape of a cow
Whatever it was that made my eyes itch at Dayton's
A $7 circular cookie cutter
A $325 polo shirt
Brilliantly turquoise leather gloves
The glass heads in glass spheres even though they are the coolest thing, I swear, and nobody believes me
Any bathroom-related book not written by John Scalzi
Any book written by a politician or political staffer (Thomas can be an exception to this if he gets a book written and published in time for Christmas.)
A Johnny Mathis Christmas CD
A rhinestone thong
A bright yellow glass platter trying desperately to imitate Chihuly and failing.
That thing you really wanted. I'm sorry. I couldn't find it. I got something else that seems really good, though.
And on a different note, sort of, but still on the theme of Things I Saw Yesterday While Shopping: am I the only one who sees people running around with bells and thinks "lepers?" And automatically chides herself internally with, "Hansen's disease; leprosy covered a range of skin conditions and is imprecise in a modern context" and only after half a beat gets to the "collecting for charity" thing?
(And on another entirely different note: Sylvia, I've lost your contact information again, but thank you for the moose!)
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